Anyone who starts a sentence, 'With all due respect ...' is about to insult you.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he'd lie just to keep his hand in.

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

Oh for pity's sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?

The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.

Fill what's empty, empty what's full, and scratch where it itches.

A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, 'Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?' I said 'I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too'.

Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.

One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'.